Theale & Tilehurst Friendly XI vs Holbeton 29th July 2001

BACK

8.15am on a Sunday morning in the car park at Theale can only mean one thing, even colt’s matches don’t start this early. After the morning’s pleasantries it’s time to hit the road to Devon for the club’s fourth cricket tour to Holbeton.

Following the usual last minute amendments to the tour party there are fourteen of us praying that the weather stays good for five days and that the village shop has plenty of hangover cures available.

Having been to Holbeton before I was confident that I would go straight there no problems, the only concern was to make sure that everyone behind was close enough to follow. However, as we continued down the A38 a voice from the passenger seat suddenly said, “We don’t normally get this close to Plymouth do we?” Good start I thought, gone wrong and we’ve not even got there yet.

We finally made it to Holbeton in time for lunch and to check in quickly prior to the game that afternoon. Unfortunately the Holbeton ground was not available as it was still closed as a precaution against foot and mouth. This meant that the game was to be played at Yealm CC in the neighbouring village of Newton Ferrers. Finding the ground involved following the landlord Tony down a series of lanes so narrow there wasn’t really enough room for one way let alone two (was it me or when he was leading us back after we’d won was he trying to lose us in those lanes?).

On arrival it was agreed by both teams that the pitch was “sporting” or “crap” depending on how polite you were but wise old owl Tim Sant confidently said it would play better than it looked and so it proved. On winning the toss the opposition captain elected to bat on the advanced cricketing grounds of, “I’m not fielding in that heat.” So followed a bowling and fielding performance that if it had been the last day of the tour you’d have put down to tiredness. This allowed Holbeton to run up a total of 193 that would prove a challenge if we were going to maintain our 100% away record against them.

In pursuit James Codd and Alex Moore got us off to a good start with James going on to score a typically hard hit 70. However, once he had been dismissed the game seemed a simple equation of would Dennis Robertson score the runs before everybody else was out. It came down to the last over with five needed, one wicket in hand and Roger Puri on strike. The question on the boundary was would Rog try and finish it with one hit or do the sensible thing and try and get Dennis back on strike. Fortunately he did the latter and two balls later Dennis finished the game in style by hitting a six over a despairing long on. Cue plenty of celebrations, too many for some (you know who you are!) and a late end to a long first day on tour.

One innovation on tour this year was the introduction of a fines committee with “hobbler” Sant the self-elected chairman. In recognition of this a top five fines from the tour (from those I can remember) is included below:

Top five fines:

1. Peter Moore for chatting up an eighty year old lady at the service station on the way, what’s more her husband was there to watch the master Casanova at work

2. Chris Lemm for abuse of power when making his debut as captain at Cornwood for running half way round the ground and past several other players to tell the club captain he had to field for the opposition until their last man arrived

3. Brian Cooper for overworking Fang at Yealmpton (and not with his batting – see below)

4. Alex Moore for being so drunk on the first night he didn’t notice that he had his shirt on inside out and back to front

5. The fifteen year old for Whitchurch who was fined for jug evasion having scored one, he’d scored a hundred the day before

Day two on tour starts slowly, the agenda following breakfast is to do as little as possible in an attempt to recover before the game in the afternoon. We’ve never beaten Whitchurch, although there have been a couple of draws, and this has to be the year we break the duck. In true touring tradition we bat first this time and whilst often in promising positions end up being bowled all out for 165, that we get this many is largely thanks to skipper Robertson’s second fifty in two days.

The tea at Whitchurch has to be seen to be believed, after both teams have made a serious go at the food on the tables and given up another lot comes out. There’s also the choice between a hot tea, cream tea and traditional cricket tea. So it was we rolled out in to the field to try and defend what looked like at least twenty too few. Despite this the game went down to the last over again with them needing 8 runs and us two wickets. Neither side seemed to know whether to attack or defend and as it was the game petered out in to a draw. The one positive feature of the game was the safety of my tenner against Chris’ challenge on who would take the most wickets on tour, with one game of the challenge left a lead of 9-4 looked pretty safe even if he was captain the following day.

The experiential learning cycle suggests that we humans learn from our previous actions and avoid making the same mistakes again. The activities of Monday night so soon after Sunday night suggest this model doesn’t work on cricket tours.

Tuesday morning on tour is golf morning and for most of us our annual round, and does it show. Needless to say the golf proved a rich source of material for the chairman of the fines committee. Perhaps the harshest was fining Mike Orriss for slow play on the evidence of Chief Sneak Osman Mahmood when if it hadn’t been for the “chance” intervention of Mike’s foot Osman would still be trying to putt out on the sixth green.

Fortunately we managed to finish the golf in time for the afternoon’s game against Cornwood and Chris Lemm’s debut as captain in senior cricket. The set up at Cornwood is certainly very impressive even for a Devon League Premier Division Club, John Morris on his day off in the score box must have felt slightly under-dressed without his jacket and tie on.

Again we had the luxury of batting first on what looked like an excellent surface and again we didn’t really score the runs we should have done. Despite consistent performances all the way down the order no-one was able to play the defining innings that would give us a total that would be out of reach in a straight forty overs game. However, with the arrival of Mo Iqbal the bowling had been strengthened and again what had initially not quite seemed enough proved to be plenty as they were all out off the last ball of the thirty-ninth over. This allowed us to secure our second victory of the tour and second victory over Cornwood.

Following on from his impressive and winning debut as captain Chris showed his ability to learn quickly again in the evening. Whilst every one else was getting drunk, or high on coke if you’re Osman, Chris took the opportunity of having a sleep for a couple of hours. Just when the late night killer started on the pool table he miraculously re-appeared stone cold sober and managed to clean up in two consecutive games against a group of people who were no longer entirely sure which end of the cue to hold. Fortunately he felt so guilty at his appalling behaviour that he spent his winnings on buying another round.

Wednesday dawned and the attendance at breakfast was getting thinner, even the lure of Pete’s tea couldn’t drag some people from their pits. Fortunately there wasn’t far to go for the game in the afternoon so there was an opportunity to take in some additional morning sporting entertainment. This time it was ten-pin bowling which gave Pete the opportunity to show everyone how he had mis-spent his youth by rattling up a huge total.

This was the first time we had played Yealmpton so we didn’t really know what to expect from them or them from us. When James got going they must have been very afraid as he raced towards a hundred, finally retiring for 115. Following on from that Mike Toyer, who having not batted for fourteen months was getting better every day, weighed in with a 51 before he too retired. In a total of over 250 we only in fact lost two wickets. One of these was Mark, so it is doubtful whether that counts (at least he can play cricket on a dartboard), and the other was Edward who was out for the second day running sweeping. This was having spent some of Monday night agreeing that the sweep wasn’t a sensible shot to play and one he could cut out of his game.

Certainly the most amazing performance of the game at Yealmpton, and possibly the tour, belonged to a dog called Fang. Down one side of the ground at Yealmpton is a thick bush about four feet deep that divides the ground from a cornfield beyond. Whenever a ball gets hit in to the bush or the field the fielder has to do nothing as Fang will disappear in to the bush and reappear a few seconds later with the ball, without fail. Even if he’s not at the ground when the ball gets hit in to the field on his return to the ground he can be despatched to retrieve however many balls have been lost.

Mo was the captain on Wednesday and one of the challenges before the game had been for everyone to do something in the style of Mo during the game. Whilst most people managed some subtle piece of fielding that displayed the characteristics of Mo Rog seemed determined to do the full impression in dropping two sitters at long off in the same over off a batsmen who was already past his hundred. What’s more he thought it would pacify the bowler if he told him at the end of the over that the reason he’d dropped the catches was that he hadn’t been paying attention, I can tell him it didn’t. Fortunately it didn’t effect the result as we won another straight forty over game.

So ended the most successful playing tour to date and all that was left was to finish it off in style on the social side as well. It didn’t disappoint.

Finally, thanks to all those who went on tour for making it so enjoyable. The bad news is that it’s gone for this year, the good news is that we’ll be going back next year.