2004 Holbeton Tour Diary

BACK

Sunday, 25th July

Last year we managed to find a wet week in the hottest summer on record for the tour, hopefully this year we have managed to find a dry week in a relatively wet summer.

After some hold ups on the M3 M5 (Dave seems to think that all roads lead to Devon) the tour party meets at the Mildmay in time for lunch and the now traditional presentation of tour caps with tour nicknames. The all-new tour nicknames for 2004 being:

On to the game at the newly enlarged Holbeton ground – a straight 40 overs a side game and Winnie as the captain instantly confirmed that he is a useless tosser as we are put in to bat.

Things started badly, Fidel was caught behind for 1 and Cheddar soon followed caught at slip. Bad became worse as we subside to 28-4. What wasn’t helping was that the square has been moved six yards to the left so at one end a good length is what were previously the bowler’s footmarks.

A period of consolidation was called for and the Grim Reaper blunted the attack with a 31 ball duck before scything one to midwicket. What was needed was a captain’s innings and fortunately Winnie played at least five of them as he was dropped at least twice and was caught off a no-ball on his way to 65. Winnie is such a team man that he also chose to raise his bat and acknowledge the team 100 as opposed to his own fifty.

A score of 122 had the potential to be competitive if early wickets could have been taken. However, it’s the ninth over before Dave made the first breakthrough when he inconsiderately bowled the batsman who was holding the gate open for the next batsman to come on to the field.

Holbeton skipper Paul Ackland held their innings together with a well made 47 but T&T’s chances of victory were thrown away with several dropped catches – and this on day one when every one should be at their soberest and freshest.

Santa and Winnie both picked up a couple of wickets apiece and Mao took what was one of the sharpest catches by a keeper up to the stumps people had seen for several seconds but Holbeton eased to victory by 4 wickets with 7 overs to spare.

After dinner in the pub attention swiftly turned to the fines with the chairman appreciative of the work of his twelve sneaks. The pick of the fines for day one being:

Danish – a refusal at the gate. Having opened the gate and driven through in to the ground at Holbeton he got out to shut the gate only to discover that his car had suddenly grown in length and he had to move his car again before being able to shut the gate.

Aloo matta – for locking himself out of his room within 10 minutes of having arrived.

The Grim Reaper and Santa – for acting like colts and misuse of chalet accommodation by getting changed for the game before leaving the pub.

Winnie – for lack of cheese knowledge. When Cheddar dropped a catch he observed how apposite his tour name was as his hands obviously had holes in like cheddar cheese. Ermm.

By an overwhelming majority Winnie was voted Dick of the Day for his lack of cheese knowledge and raising his bat for the team 100. However, the tradition of the tour captain buying a jug for the team 100 was well supported and the view taken that it should carry on for the remainder of the tour.

The drinking then continued with Santa picking up the new Paddington Bear cricketer award for the first person to bed.

Monday, 26th July

The day began early with bright sunshine pouring through the bedroom windows, a promising start to the day.

Breakfast was served for 8.30am and the entire squad encouragingly put in an appearance. Dennis was so eager that he became an honoury member of the waiting staff and served up very generous portions to the first 6 or 7 people that came up to the buffet. Sadly, his generosity resulted in the President being left with a fine selection of grilled tomato and a fried egg only – not happy!

After breakfast it was a leisurely morning. Despite eagerness on the part of some to get off early and take in the Yelverton Paperweight Museum, a professional approach from the squad was required in order to be ready and focused for the days big game at Whitchurch. This meant that most people grazed (and we’ll discuss this in more detail later) around watching the Test Match or power snoozing. Phil Stephens joined the touring party, having been drafted in from the Berkshire League to bolster the squad.

The tour party set off in good time from The Mildmay Colours and headed towards Whitchurch. It had been agreed that in time honoured fashion luncheon would be taken at the Whitchurch Inn before going on to the ground. On route the Chairman, with Rags and Oz on board followed behind Fingers and we drove around Plymouth and out towards Dartmoor. The weather over the moors was looking rather threatening and we weren’t sure how much of game we might get in. As we turned onto the Tavisock Road Fingers began to indicate left (not the usual journey). Sadly for Brian a joke backfiring as the Paperweight Museum he thought he was feigning to turn into was a further 300 yards down the road and he was in fact indicating to turn into a local hotel.

Once at the pub everybody was fed and watered and Mr Stephens was presented with his Tour Virgin T-shirt and his tour cap. It was noted at this point that the Club Welfare Officer was to be fined upon our return to Reading for the misspelling of Fleming and the 2003 dated T-shirt (however, still nowhere near as costly as his tour experience last year).

We arrived at the ground just as light drizzle started to fall. This began to cause some concern because despite the wind that is experienced on the moors the rain could not on this occasion be put down to the sea breeze. Happily, after a few moments the rain dried up and the game got underway on time.

Dave was skipper for the day but came unprepared and had to blag a coin from Bob in order to toss up. Whitchurch won the toss and elected to put T&TCC in to bat.

As James and Phil walked out to open the innings it was noted that there was what looked like an ice cream man, rather dishevelled and down on his luck, stood out in the middle. However, upon closer inspection it was found to be Rags!

The batsman got off to a positive start with Phil in particular scoring at a brisk rate, including a big six into the copse outside of the ground in the third over. James went on to make a good 31 before falling to Tamblin, which brought the Grim Reaper to the crease.

After his 31 ball duck the previous day Ed was anxious to get some runs under belt and he ran through for a tight single off the third ball faced to great applause from the pavilion. His next scoring shot came 14 balls later. Confidence was obviously growing and his shots became more expansive. Sadly though Ed is still struggling to develop an innings and was out after 31 balls (again) – some sort of mental blockage!

At the other end Phil was showing us all just what we had missed on Sunday, when he had deemed it more important to play football and put goals past a girl. He was hitting some powerful boundaries although it was noted that he might be becoming dependant on the leg side slog because at one stage there were five leg side fielders all planted firmly on the boundary.

Micky came in and even more quickly left the middle after a run out, the shape of his score resembling a perfectly formed potato. Chilly and Winnie both contributed to a big total score of 282 of which Phil contributed 146. 109 runs taken from the last 9 overs of the innings.

As usual a fine tea was enjoyed by all, although Micky seemed a little upset at the selection of hot potato slices and wedges on offer – perhaps some distant relatives?

The Whitchurch innings began with Chris bowling himself up the hill and the very poorly Ozman, with his bad neck and shoulder, coming down the hill. His injuries didn’t appear too serious as he claimed the first two wickets, both bowled and completed an eight over spell, two for 28.

Chris replaced himself after 5 overs with Mr Potato who after a slightly wayward first over began to find some rhythm and bowled quite tidily. Between overs he was sent to graze the third man/fine leg boundary but concern was raised when it was noted that all of a sudden the cattle that had been happily grazing around that area were missing – was Micky licking his lips and rubbing his stomach?

There was an unacceptable delay in proceedings following the drinks break as Rags had disappeared to the pavilion to get changed – the only redeeming factor being that it at least covered his legs!

Back underway Whitchurch wickets were starting to fall at a fairly regular pace and they were never threatening to get close to the T&T total. Dave decided to share the bowling around and after the usual tight bowling from fingers we saw a nice spell from Chilly before the introduction of some left arm China man from Ed. Unfortunately Ed’s fine two over spell was let down by the fielders. One chance going just over James’ head and an absolute sitter being put down by Oz fielding down at deep mid-on. Ed took this in good grace and shouted encouraging by way of “*anke*” to Oz.

Some stubborn resistance from the middle order batting of Tamblin, Barriball and Faulker, led to concern that the focus had gone from the T&T game and that Whitchurch may be able to bat it out. So the captain turned to James to hoover up. With just four deliveries James had taken two wickets and thus passed Dave Bramley’s club record and with a run out as well the opposition innings ended for only 165 – victory at last and by 97 runs.

After the game Dave gave a rousing speech in the clubhouse and presented the opposition skipper with a T&T plaque. The Whitchurch captain thanked Dave and the squad and hoped we would return again next year (Phil seemed keen for this to happen). There was then one of those moments when we all thought Chris was going to respond to their response and a concern that it could become a late night of mutual gratification. In the knowledge that we needed to be back at Holberton by 9.00pm to eat we dragged Chris away.

After dinner the Fines Committee presented it’s findings, which included;

Fleming for turning up a day late for the tour and as a result losing us the Holbeton game.

Screen for turning up to umpire looking like an ice cream man

Micky for eating a herd of cows whilst playing cricket

Chris for responding to Phil when asked the format of the game “it’s the same as yesterday” when Phil had only arrived today and then Chris claiming he though Phil was Micky!

Chris for not recognising that of the two gates leading into the playing area at Whitchurch the one with big concrete blocks either side of it won’t open.

Screen for holding up proceedings after the drinks interval by going off the field to change his cloths

Chris for not returning the coin Bob had leant him to toss up at the start of the game

Bob for not being able to recognise while scoring the batting styles and set-up of James and Phil

Oz for having to be spoken to by the President during the games for continual talking as the bowler was running in.

Tuesday, 27th July

Tuesday morning saw the President up bright & early, ready for a morning’s work before the game. Having missed out on breakfast the previous day, he was looking forward to having first choice before the rest of the tour party arrived. Unfortunately, he arrived before the chef too, and so again missed out on the cooked option. Nevertheless, we saved him a sausage and presented it too him in the changing room at Cornwood.

Tuesday morning is traditionally golf morning. Brian, Chris, Dennis, Mark & Osman set off for a round, with the others preferring to remain at the Mildmay Inn, putting their feet up. The golf got off to an interesting start, with Osman aiming a few practice swings in the direction of the first tee. Rags selflessly put himself in the way of the ball to protect the players teeing off. Unfortunately it proved to be Osman’s best shot on the course, but it led to him being fined for poor golfing etiquette. On the course, Chris won by scoring 48, Brian & Rags scored 53 & 52 respectively, & Osman managed a 75.

On the way from the golf course to the Pub for lunch Brian had the misfortune of a driving error. Having stalled the car whilst attempting a hill-start, he promptly announced that he would show everyone present the proper technique. However, this didn’t work either and the car stalled again. Brian later successfully demonstrated the (down) hill-start on the way out of the pub.

The rest of the party set of mid-morning to join the golfers for lunch. Once again, we agreed to travel in convoy, but with limited success. Roger was leading with James navigating, but having followed a large lorry through the narrow streets of Plympton, we missed a turn and had to turn around. The road signs in Plympton are not the best, so Roger stopped so that James could consult the map. In good convoy fashion Roger failed to leave enough space for all the cars so Phil ended up blocking a roundabout. Unfortunately the map wasn’t much use as it was a clever “upside-down” map, designed for driving from North to South. According to this map, Plymouth is on the north Devon coast! We eventually worked it out, and made our way to the pub and then on to the game.

Micky was the designated captain, and quickly went to find his opposition counterpart. His first attempt was to ask Roger, Cameron & Bob if the captain was here yet (all clearly identifiable with their tour caps), and upon realising his mistake identified himself as captain & went off to find the real opposition.

The captains agreed that T&T would bat first, so James & the President opened the batting, knowing that Cornwood had a new professional playing his first game and that he would be looking to make an impression.

The innings got off to a solid start, with a partnership of 72 for the first wicket. The President even managed to score 17 of the first 12 runs scored according to Roger, who was struggling with the scoreboard. Eddie fell first for 31, holing out at long-off. Micky joined James at the wicket, and they put on a further 41 before Micky fell LBW for 18 and James fell shortly afterwards, mis-timing a pull shot to mid on. At this stage we were 117-3 after 23 overs, with a good platform set for the middle order. After narrowly avoiding becoming the Grim Reaper’s first victim on tour, Mark went on to make 20. Phil Stephens then joined Edward, who put on 78 together, with Edward being bowled of the final ball of the innings for 20, leaving Phil on 53 not out. We thought that 221-5 from 40 overs was a decent score on a slow wicket, and sat down to enjoy a marvellous tea.

Chris & Bob opened the bowling in contrasting styles. Chris impressed, whilst Bob lived up to his tour nickname with a number of gifts down the leg-side. Neither managed a breakthrough in the first half of the innings, and it was Brian who took the first wicket when Burnside sliced a catch to Chris at point.

Mark had followed Bob at the other end, and was unlucky to have a couple of catches dropped (James & the President being the culprits), but he bowled well throughout his spell of 8 overs, eventually taking 4-31. The President made amends for his earlier blunder by catching Murphy (the Pro.) in the gully, and Chris took two further catches in the deep at long-on.

With 8 overs remaining James managed to turn over his left ankle whilst walking in to pick up the ball. It looked like a nasty injury, and he left the field and departed to the local hospital casualty department with Gordon & Rosemary Cooper. The diagnosis was a nasty sprain, and the X-ray showed no break, but the doctor ordered rest and suggested that the healing time was 3 – 4 weeks.

The remaining 10 players battled on, with Phil Jenkins swapping the gloves for a bowl and picked up a wicket in his second over. His victim left the field cursing his luck at being got out by a wicket keeper. Osman also contributed 2 wickets, which left the Cornwood score on 173-9 at the end of 40 overs, leaving T&T winners by 48 runs.

The real turning point in the match was soon after drinks in the second innings when Edward had called for a team huddle for a tactical chat. The opposition had only lost 1 wicket at this stage. Edward raised the question of dinner later that evening. Cornwood had invited us to stay on for pasties after the game – did we wish to accept, or did we want dinner back at the Mildmay? The general consensus was that pasties were fine, and with that major decision out of the way a further 8 wickets fell in the remaining overs.

After the match captain Micky gave a rousing speech in good Imran Khan style, thanking Cornwood “for a bloody game and a bloody good wicket”. Micky was also to return home that night so presented to the members of the remaining tour party a perfect miniature model of himself in the form of a potato. Rather worrying Oz seemed to befriend mini Aloo to the extent where he dressed him up and took him to bed!!!

Back at the Mildmay Colours that evening the Fines Committee sat, joined by two VP’s as they returned James to the touring party following his hospital visit.

The crimes committed included;

Roger – poor leadership of a convoy and his impressive (not) display in the score box

Cameron – for leaving ¾ pt of beer when retiring to bed the previous night

Dennis – for joining in the fielding huddle after a wicket when he was umpiring

James – for stating in conversation straight after Mickey’s award the previous evening for eating cows “I think they just moved them to the other field” (like we all really thought Micky had ate them). Also for having the audacity to wear his 2003 tour cap while fielding thinking no one would think or check him as a senior club member!

Eddie – poor timing a breakfast but now a good average over the two days. Running two consecutive quick singles including one that went straight to their Pro. and for a fine display of juggling when finally catching the Pro. at the sixth attempt (if you include the three bounces of the stomach).

Ed – missing a straight shot at swing-ball while warming up

Micky – when in convoy thinking that when braking it makes his car thinner (apply his brakes whenever anything came towards him in he opposite direction) and for not recognising his own team members when asking for the opposition skipper. But he did give a bloody fine speech!

Mark – Not backing up the bowlers end and thus adding additional byes against the Fines Chairman. Appalling punditry and recollection of match facts (in particular his own performance). Trying to charge club VP’s entry to the fines meeting.

Chris – when warming up with Oz bowled a cricket ball on top of the nets and thinking no one had noticed.

Oz – very poor golf etiquette

Phil S – waste of good greens (no, not golf but would never touch his salad garnish at meals. He’ll never grow up big and strong) and for taking far too much pleasure in thumping the young kids around the ground.

Bob – fielding in a style that made some of the tour party wish that Laurence Pottle was still playing.

PJ – injuring the opening bowler in the catching warm up, for managing to get himself a bowl and then a c&b form the first ball of his second over.

Brian – for his demonstration of the hill start and for failing to pirouette when chasing a hopeless catch.

Mark then proceeded to get drunk very quickly on Guinness and gave plenty of ammunition for the following days DOTD award.

Wednesday, 28th July

It was good the see the President had taken encouragement from his average and actually made it too breakfast whilst a full selection was still available.

Wednesday is ten pin bowling day in Plympton. Sadly with his ankle injury James was not up to bowling so he and Bob remained at base on tour business writing up the previous days diary. Everyone else jumped into cars and made their way to the alley.

Cameron was the hot favourite, being a regular bowler back in Reading, however there were other noteworthy performances from Phil S and Chris Lemm.

That are certain moments in ones life that one would prefer were kept private and discreet. Unfortunately for Ed he choose the bowling alley to be he place where his balls finally dropped – two loud thumps as they fell to the alley floor (I’m sure he won’t lean on ball racks again).

After a coupling a games we headed back to Holbeton. Once we had got through small a short delay caused by traffic visiting the Yealmton Show the party grabbed a quick bite to eat before setting off to Ivybridge, a new fixture for the tour.

It was an interesting journey through some very pretty, unspoiled countryside. Unfortunately unspoiled also means very narrow and often undeveloped and non-maintained lanes. Only 20 yards or so up the first lane we came up against a tractor and the entire convoy had to reverse back either into the main road or into the hedgerow. Roger, very sensibly, decided at this point to take a more sensible route but the remainder of the party stubbornly continued. Approximately 25 minutes or so later we found the ground and Roger already there!

The ground didn’t look too promising upon first inspection, not a pretty setting as with the other grounds we’d visited and a wicket that some thought resembled Victoria Rec. Several members of the party went out to insect the wicket, unfortunately tour fatigue had obviously set in as Bob, Chris, Osman, Ed and Mark all forgot to put their tour caps on before walking out – a school boy error in terms of tour etiquette and fines.

Dennis was skipper and went out for the toss; T&TCC were to bat first again. The innings got off to a slow start with the President, standing in for the injured James, out for a third ball duck (I bet he’s glad he offered to play in his third game of the tour). Brian followed soon afterwards to what can only be described as some very astute or incompetent umpiring (I would side with the former – no bias) and Cameron and Chris soon afterwards (not before Chris managed a beautiful straight drive into Roger’s kidneys at the non strikers end – I bet he’d have got out of the way soon enough if he’d been fielding! T&T were reeling on 26 for 4. Ed and Roger then shared a 26 run partnership for the fifth wicket before Roger was out to bring Phil Stephens to the crease. Phil and Ed put on 78, Ed ending up on 28 and Phil another great innings worth 61 including a huge six into the stream running alongside the ground. The day’s skipper contributed nothing to the score before Oz and Mike Mason (club Pro) put on 21 for the last wicket, including a marvellous six leg byes. Oz even managed to run Meatloaf out on the last ball of the innings – something that was bound to stand I his favour come the days fines.

After tea T&T took the field looking to defend a useful total of 182. Having missed out with the bat, it didn’t take Bob any time at all to get into the game as he the opening bat skied the ball only for it to split Bob’s webbing on his left hand and result in him having to go off for stitches and miss the rest of the game.

It wasn’t long before Ivybridge wickets started to fall, three wickets down for only 8 before a spirited stand between Kendrick and Winstanley, the later going to make an unbeaten 51. Sadly no one else was able to offer any support and with some tight bowling from all the T&T bowlers and the match was all over the 31st over when Cameron picked up his third wicket.

Following the game Dennis gave one of the most impassioned and rousing speeches anyone could recall, rivalling any given by the likes of Martin Luther King, Churchill and even the Ed Choules pasty speech.

Back at base after dinner the Fines Committee sat for the final time. Before it’s official duties Brian was thanked for his fine organisation of yet another great tour and the Club Chairman said a few words in recognition of how far the club has come since the merger in 1997 and how this was reflected by the fact that now on it’s seventh tour to Devon we were privileged to have been able to bring a Pro with us for the very first time. Thanks were given to Mike Mason and he was presented with tour payment, 18 of your finest English pence and two Euro 2004 soccer coins.

The day’s fines included;