Theale & Tilehurst 1st XI vs Mortimer West End 14th July 2007

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Report by Doc

We arrived at Mortimer West End on the back of three consecutive victories knowing that on many occasions in the past they have been a thorn in our sides. The battle of the useless tossers commenced, with both Cat and Ken Allsobrook claiming not to have called correctly for 3 decades. After 15 tosses with the coin landing on its side, Cat finally called correctly and put MWE into bat. His current strike rate means in the last two weeks he has been responsible for more insertions than David Walliams.

Mo showed some concern at the start as he repeatedly informed me that a bail was missing from the other end. I didn't have the heart to tell him that the small wooden thing Johnno Bray was using to mark his guard at the crease might be replaced on the stump when he'd finished.

MWE started poorly as both Tom Prinn and Ram Patel fell early to Mo and Cullum Smuth respectively. After a period of consolidation both bowlers struck again to remove Searancke and Bray. This bought MWE's part of the Andy Johnson twins to the wicket(seriously, their parents were cruel to have 2 kids so alike and giving them the same name) with Maggy. Their AJ set about the T&T bowlers with abandon. This clearly angered me and an unplayable rip-snorting brute of an express delivery felled him leaving him in a pool of claret. Or a slow lifter that slightly grazed his lip and shocked him that it didn't hurt more, depending on who you ask. After a slight injury delay the next ball was pitched up. I believe its first bounce after that was in Burghfield. He duly reached 55 (at least 30 of them off me)before being caught off a skier by Mo from the bowling of Oz.

In between times he was ably supported by Maggy(11) and Nick Bielby who scored an excellent 32 not out. A game against MWE wouldn't be a game without some sort of controversy though. Maggy was stumped whilst admiring his missed slog sweep and obviously felt a little aggrieved. However I fully believe that it is every bowlers right (even when he is batting) to shout, swear and generally have a go at the world, no matter whether he is correct or not. Incidentally if anyone wants it, Jack Russell painted an excellent watercolour of Maggie's pose whilst he held it.

Having then seen a couple of dollies get grassed and a perceived lack of concentration in the field I invoked my bowlers rights as well and proceeded to swear at all and sundry (on my own side) no matter what happened. As I said it's a bowlers right even when we're wrong.

Eventually MWE finished on 187 for 9 with Smuth having taken 4 wickets with the remainder being shared around. On a pitch where timing was never going to be easy that looked a reasonable score. We all retired to the pavillion for that one constant, an excellent MWE tea.

In an almost mirror image of the first innings we soon found ourselves in trouble at 8 for 2 with both James and Smuth back in the hutch. Then Cat and Jamil showed real application in putting on 52 for the next wicket, before Jimmy was out LBW to Bielby. Hawkeye later showed the ball hitting 6 inches above the base of middle stump, so further controversy was avoided.

Crofty then came to the wicket and hit a fluent 31 or 45. We're not entirely sure as I cocked up the batsmens runs at this stage. Thankfully MWE resident scoreboard operator, Reg, was keeping the running total so any accusations of cheating were avoided afterwards. However accusations of incompetence weren't. I decided not to invoke my bowlers right at this stage as trying to declare batsmens runs net of basic rate tax isn't an excuse that carries any weight. Apparently!

Crofty was then unluckily out caught and bowled. Unluckily because I'm pretty certain there was nobody else on the pitch who would have made up the yards to take the catch other than Mr Searancke.

Sunil then came in and made a mockery of the conditions by smashing the ball to all parts. It was beautiful (mostly) controlled aggression resulting in 9 fours and 2 sixes interrupted only by Cats dsimissal for 36(+ Vat @ 17.5%).

Sunil ended unbeaten on 58ish with Bondy not out 10(less IHT @ 40%). The irony of the scoring is that in a team of accountants it was left to a salesman who generally makes up numbers.

This was an excellent batting display in chasing down a decent looking score in under 33 overs. It was all the more pleasing for the fact that it came from a difficult start.

So our fourth consecutive win, in a row,on the bounce, one after the other, without a gap, was achieved. A further 7 wins on the trot might take us to the top of the league. Next week its Crown Wood and a chance to avenge our defeat earlier in the season. Grrrrrrrrrrr!