Theale & Tilehurst 2nd XI vs Chenies and Latimer 2nd XI

19th June 2010

Report by Rags.

If he’d been asked to portray a cricket match, I doubt that even Salvador Dali would have crammed as much surrealism into a picture than occurred during Saturday’s visit to Chenies & Latimer 2nd XI. You’d probably notice this during the report but just in case there are pointers included!

The surrealism started early in the Theale car park, when Ram turned up within 5 minutes of everyone else who were meeting there!! This saved a huge amount of money for the skipper, normally spent on phone calls trying to track Ram down and meant that we should have a full team when we arrived.

It was ‘decided’ that the track looked like a ‘belter’ and Ram, ever more confident (as he was there to inspect the wicket before the match for once) predicted it was a ‘300’ wicket. If anyone has seen the film, 300, don’t worry, we weren’t asked to defend the pass at Thermopylae against the Persians! (Now that would have been surreal!!)

Micky won the toss and decided we’d have a bowl. More surrealism, I think the whole team agreed on this! Ram & Jordan opened, both bowling well without too much luck, until Ram trapped the classy 15yr old, in front, LBW. The next breakthrough came from Rags who removed the other opener, much to his team mates’ disapproval, as he had not been scoring much and was attempting an innings with the least amount of back-lift ever used. Aygzz took the catch and Rags quickly removed the #3, clean bowled. This brought together the 4 & 5 for the opposition, who with contrasting styles, started to fight back. Jones, the #4, hit cleanly and hard through the ball whilst Dahiya, the #5, lived the lives of 2 or 3 cats added together, whilst accumulating runs from very hard hit straight drives, inside edges and horrendous looking pulls across the line. It must be said that if Rags had held a fairly straightforward c&b, instead of wearing it on his hernia, the final score may have been much reduced. They managed to add about 100 runs before the skipper decided it was time to turn to spin! (Pun intended. Ed)

So instead of that, with a stroke of the brush that Dali himself would have admired, Micky plucked from his palette Messrs Cooper and Mishra! Now Brian used to be the fastest off spinner in the club, but age and Bondy had put paid to that. Now however we have someone who has put Bondy in the shade, as Ash proceeded to bowl off spin faster than Ram had been bowling in his opening spell. As a plan it has some merits, but I think letting Tim know beforehand could be a good idea next time!! Ash managed to remove both set batsmen, one LBW, the other bowled, before Brian decided to join in. He joined in with the wicket that never was………well, it was………..but it never should have been…….but it probably was anyway………and it was given, by both umpires. I think the sequence of events went something like this. Brian bowled, the standing umpire called ’no ball’, the batsman swung, missed the ball, toppled forward out of his crease, Tim stumped him, square leg umpire signalled ‘out’, standing umpire confirmed ‘out’, batsman almost at pavilion when standing umpire asks “That is right isn’t it, he can be stumped off of a no-ball”. We all felt that in light of the previous ‘stumping’ not given and that Brian never bowls back foot no balls, we were entitled to let the umpire cogitate over the error of his ways alone. To wrap up the innings Ash claimed a couple mor and Brian showed Rags how to take a c&b properly, leaving us 240 to chase. We felt we’d let them get 40 more than we should have, but that it was 50-60 light of the optimum achievable on the track.
After a fine tea, more realist than surreal, Hammad and Micky opened the batting. Both struggled to find their best form, finding a succession of fielders with their best shots. That both of their innings ended in similar fashion was not a surprise, both being caught going down the ground, over the top. Harry and Crofty then put together a partnership of 51, before Crofty fell for the ‘surreal 3 card trick, how he didn’t see it coming was beyond everyone else!! The bowler bowled a leg-side wide, followed by an off-side wide, followed by a back of a length, almost non bouncing ball on the stumps. Credit to Andy for getting bat on ball, but unfortunately the inside edge cannoned on to his pads and then the stumps. He was very unlucky, as he was looking well set on 33. Harry and Ash started to reconsolidate the innings, before Harry also fell victim to the ‘let’s hit down the ground, into the wind, in the air’ syndrome and Hannay promptly took his 3rd catch. From this sort of balanced point in a match, we have been known to let things slip away with a sudden flurry of wickets…..not today however. Ash & Aygzz put together an unbroken partnership of 127 (6 runs short of a 2nd XI record) in 13 overs to seal victory. Aygzz batted very sensibly (See! How surreal is that!), turning the bowling over to Ash at every opportunity, as he stroked, flayed and smashed them to all points of the ground and a few points outside of it, on his way to a superb innings of 104 n.o. There had been however, time, with Ash on 92, for him to add his own particular twist to the afternoon’s strange list of events, when he was dropped five times off of the same delivery. Heffernan, probably the pick of their bowlers, managed to juggle a return catch 4 times and in doing so fell flat on his back, the ball then landed on him and as he tried to clutch hold of it, it rolled off on to the floor. (You can’t script this stuff. Ed.)

I have so far only mentioned the surrealism surrounding actual sporting involvement, but we did have other things to contend with as well! A local wedding had employed the worst two wedding singers that any of us could remember hearing, but to then have them loud enough that they could be heard ½ a mile down the road, murdering classic songs, made the funfair at Theale seem quite pleasant. We also had a section of classical music, from said wedding, inclucing Carmina Burana and The Four Seasons (not to be confused with anything done by Franki Valli and his group). On top of everything else we also spent most of our innings talking to a Smurf who played for their 1st team!! We never managed to get him to admit being related to Bob, but did discover he was ‘blue’ because he was attending a costume party that evening.

Surrealism is alive and batting in Buckinghamshire!

THEALE AND TILEHURST CC SCORECARD
Home Team		Chenies and Latimer 2						Away Team		Theale and Tilehurst 2
Date of Match		19th June 2010						Played at		Chenies

		Team							Result	Team
Result		Theale and Tilehurst							beat	Chenies and Latimer

1st Innings of		Chenies and Latimer
	Name	How Out			Who			Bowler		4's	6's	Score
1	B Shipley	ct			P Ager			M Mason				20
2	S Bartlett	lbw						R Sankaran				13
3	S Bourne	bowled						M Mason				14
4	I Jones	bowled						A Mishra				65
5	H Dahiya	lbw						A Mishra				44
6	A Hannay	st			T Beck			B Cooper				20
7	R Vessey	ct			P Ager			A Mishra				2
8	K Chudasana	not out										12
9	G Campbell	ct			B Cooper			B Cooper				5
10	K Heffernan	bowled						A Mishra				15
11	J Moffitt	DNB
							Byes	18
							Leg Byes	7
							Wides	0
							No Balls	5
									Extras			30

							Wickets	9	Total			240

Bowling			O	M	R	W
1	R Sankaran		10	2	21	1
2	J Manning		6	2	22	0
3	M Mason		9	2	37	2
4	A Mishra		12	0	66	4
5	B Cooper		12	0	48	2
6	A Crofts		4	0	27	0
7
8

Fall of Wicket
	Score	Outgoing Bat				Stand of
1						0
2						0
3						0
4						0
5						0
6						0
7						0
8						0
9						0
10




2nd Innings of		Theale and Tilehurst
	Name	How Out			Who			Bowler		4's	6's	Score
1	H Ali	ct			A Hannay			K Heffernan		3	0	19
2	M Mehta	ct			A Hannay			K Heffernan		1	0	15
3	H Osborn	ct			A Hannay			H Dahiya		4	0	28
4	A Crofts	bowled						H Dahiya		5	0	33
5	A Mishra	not out								31	2	104
6	P Ager	not out								4	0	27
7	R Sankaran	dnb										0
8	M Mason	dnb										0
9	B Cooper	dnb										0
10	J Manning	dnb										0
11	T Beck	dnb										0
							Byes	2
							Leg Byes	2
							Wides	14
							No Balls	0
									Extras			18

							Wickets	4	Total			244

Bowling			O	M	R	W
1	K Heffernan		13	2	62	2
2	G Campbell		9	1	45	0
3	H Dahiya		9	0	51	2
4	K Chudasana		6	1	42	0
5	B Shipley		4	0	29	0
6	A Hannay		1	0	12	0
7
8

Fall of Wicket
	Score	Outgoing Bat				Stand of
1	33	2				33
2	38	1				5
3	89	4				51
4	117	3				28
5	244*					127
6
7
8
9
10