Just as we were leaving Theale Dougie noticed that Harry had left his (well, one of Wiggy’s) bat at Theale leant on the barrier. A quick collection of it brought it in to the safety of my car. It was just as we were approaching junction 13 that Harry remembered that he hadn’t picked his bat up and the truth had to be told as John pulled off to go back to collect it. Sometimes people make fining them too easy.
After breakfast just off the M5 we made it to our base for the first part of the week which was the Smithaleigh Inn about 10 miles west of Plymouth.
Tour
caps and Nicknames
Over a drink and
lunch at the Smithaleigh the tour caps were awarded
and nicknames revealed. This year people
were given the challenge of coming up with their own nicknames; always
a chance
to see how people see themselves. This
is what people came up with:
|
|
Nickname |
Reason (if needed!) |
|
James Codd |
Pike |
Having been out of action and Private Godfrey last year a statement on his youth and current fitness |
|
Paul Ager |
Mr Gilbert |
The Headmaster from the Inbetweeners to reflect his role as crèche manager; albeit he turned out to be the worst crèche manager ever. Come back Osman: Aygzz can be in your crèche! |
|
Alan Why |
Tula |
Something about buckets |
|
Phil Mead |
Johnners |
As he was spending his whole tour with Agers |
|
James White |
Mini C |
Mini Cooper |
|
Paul Osborn |
Helmet |
For having to wear a cap rather than his Viking helmet from last year |
|
Michael Holder |
Kit Kt |
Fingers related; I’m never really sure I understood the joke behind these nicknames |
|
Charlie Cooke |
Cadbury |
|
|
Harry Osborn |
KFC |
|
|
Robert Why |
Birds Eye |
|
|
Jordan Manning |
Kenny |
The character from South Park that says nothing |
|
Brian Cooper |
Brummell |
As in Beau Brummell; the arbiter of men’s fashion |
|
Ash Misra |
Coach |
I’ll let him explain it to you |
|
John Morris |
Karzi |
The American slang for toilet being the John |
|
Matt Runkel |
Sicknote |
For being injured and not able to play on tour |
|
Paul Cooke |
Alopecia |
For his loss of hair |
|
Sunil Kumar |
Trevor |
In recognition of his bowling speed |
|
Hammad Ali |
Gok Wan |
As a more modern leader of fashion |
|
|
||
|
Andy Crofts |
Brown Owl |
To reflect his senior NCO status in the Brownies |
|
Phil Stephens |
Prawn Flavoured Potato Based Snack |
Skips |
|
Simon Bond |
Flavia |
For his dancing prowess |
Sunday
24th July vs.
Holbeton
The Game (Match report by Skipper Mini-Cooper)
After making it to Devon in good time we had our first game which was Holbeton. This match last year was a good win for Theale and Tilehurst with a very memorable 5 wickets taken by Hammad, surely lightning couldn’t strike twice! I lost the toss and we were put into bat, this gave the chance to Sunny and Aygzz to score some early tour runs.
The innings started off very fluently with Sunny hitting some very nice drives and Aygzz scything away through mid-wicket, at the time he was batting Aygzz didn’t realise that there was a sweepstake on how many runs he would make and not surprisingly the numbers 0 to 10 were snapped up very quickly which Alan won with Aygzz scoring 20.
With both of
openers gone the tour had its first father and son
combination batting together as Alan and Rob batted together for first
time
since Al run out Robert a year ago. Unfortunately the partnership
didn’t last
long as both wickets fell within a couple of overs of each other. At
this point
the innings had stalled a bit and we had to rely on Speedo and Hammad
playing
very well timed innings during the last 10 overs to bring us to a total
of 196
for 7.
After a good tea we started bowling with Michael and Ash who started a
new
career as a seam bowler with Ash picking up 2 wickets early on to ease
the
pressure. After their spells had finished we brought on one of best
spinners in
the club, not Harry but Hammad! With Harry bowling very
economically at
one end it gave chance for Hammad to reproduce his spell from last year
as he
again picked up 5 wickets! With the game looking safely in our hands
Holbeton’s
number 9 and 10 forged a very good partnership to put them back into
the game.
With them needing 27 of the last two overs with 1 wicket remaining the
game
still seemed like it could go both ways but this is when Charlie
stepped up to
the mark with a sharp stumping off Ash to win us the game.
Footnote:
One of the funniest things in the game was when the change bowler Bancroft came on and started with a beamer at Aygzz followed by a big leg side wide. Experienced observers wanted to warn Aygzz to watch out for the inevitable in swinging yorker that would follow but we were just too far away. The inevitable happened and Aygzz’s middle stump was pegged back. No-one wants to walk off to laughter so we did our best to suppress our amusement.
The game also provided the incident that led to one of the tour phrases being coined as following another yorker the big Geordie screamed “me toooee”.
The team vs. Holbeton:
Back row: Harry Osborn, Paul Ager, Charlie Cooke, James White (c), Hammad Ali, Michael Holder
Front row: Alan Why, Phil Mead, Sunil Kumar, Ash Misra, Rob Why
|
Michael bowling:
|
Ash just misses off stump:
|
|
In play on the slope at Holbeton:
|
Ali shuffle stings Holbeton again:
|
|
Pants Gate |
Five bar gate |
|
|
|
After a quick drink at the Mildmay in Holbeton and it was back to the
Smithaleigh for dinner and Fish and Chip Gate; personally I just blame
people
for ordering from the children’s menu.
The Fines (done by Fingers)
After dinner it was on to the fines and awards part of the evening. The fines that can be remembered included the following:
· Harry for leaving his bat at Theale
· Alan for wanting to stop a horse from moving in the field behind the bowler’s arm
· Aygzz for disregarding the strict transport segregation policy by not travelling in the non-whites vehicle
· Michael for wearing a shirt more ludicrous than the Dick of the Day outfit (it was noticeable that the shirt never reappeared)
· Os for bringing the most expensive thing on tour with him: Harry. A very prescient fine as it turned out.
· Jordan, Aygzz and Sunil for bringing excessive amounts of non playing luggage with them
The Awards
Dick of the Day:
Ash was the winner of the Dick of the Day award; in part for the way he won the Duckling Award but also for initially looking like he was going to bat left handed. He finished 1no at the end of the innings having spent the last over trying to ensure Dougie won the award but ended up with it himself having faced more balls. Towards the end of the game the few extra runs that we might have scored in the last over looked like they could have been very useful. Annoyingly Ash managed to look half decent as he strutted around the Smithaleigh with the Dick of the Day suit on and carrying his man bag.
Duckling Award:
Ash (see above)
Tap Award:
Hammad won the Tap award despite taking 5-56. He was lucky to avoid the Dick of the Day award when commenting that following his spell his career bowling average of 11 would need updating on the Top Trumps cards.
James won the Paddington award for being the first to bed.
Some of us might have been wishing we’d turned in a bit earlier than we did having stayed up drinking until about 4.30am.
Monday 25th July vs.
Whitchurch Wayfarers
I can’t comment on Monday morning as for the first time in 14 tours I missed a breakfast. In fact I nearly missed the departure and lunch. For once it was my door being knocked on with the shout of “we’re leaving in 10 minutes.”
Following the traditional lunch in the Whitchurch Inn it was on to the game at Whitchurch Wayfarers.
The
Game
James was the captain and in a timed game elected to bat on winning the toss. Following the early dismissal of Charlie it was Harry and Ash that took charge of the batting. They put on 99 for the second wicket before Ash was stumped for 41.
In combination with his dad Harry kept the score moving before wickets started falling at quite a rate. Harry was one of these as he scored 96 at Whitchurch for the second year running. It was a very hard hit innings and several balls were lost in the process. One large six cleared the pavilion and there was a loud metallic sound as the ball thumped in to a car. It was Meady that was to be the disappointed one as the words “who’s got the Honda?” were shouted by the long on fielder as he went to get the ball.
It was left to James to play a captain’s innings from down the order as he scored 54 not out to take us through to a decent score of 242-9.
With the declaration coming a little earlier than anticipated Whitchurch had to bat for half an hour before tea and managed to do so without losing a wicket.
After an excellent tea it was Jordan that struck first with Powell going caught at point. This was the first of three excellent catches taken by Rob; the second running round the boundary at long on to dismiss the dangerous looking Meadows being the pick of them.
The young Barraball batting at three played excellently for his 65 and with other people chipping in Whitchurch were never really out of the running. However, wickets kept falling and not long after Hammad had dropped a catch to deprive Dougie of a second wicket (and making us have to listen to how unfortunate he is as a bowler for the rest of the tour) Harry took the last wicket to give us victory by 23 runs.
The
Fines (done by Meady)
· Rob for show boating by taking two one handed catches
· Rob for asking what side of Meady’s car did Harry’s six hit; as if the dent wasn’t sufficient or it was likely to have hit the far side.
· Harry for congratulating Ash on his five-fer after his second wicket
· Harry for his revelation that the pitch looked green
· Charlie for flag abuse by breaking a flag with the first boundary of the day
· Everybody for not having a sleeping bag to wear when sat outside the Smithaleigh late on the first night as Meady had done
The
Awards
Dick of the Day
Aygzz was presented with the Dick of the Day award for Barmaid Gate. Least said soonest mended.
Duckling Award:
Hammad for having survived fewest balls for his duck
Tap:
Fingers (despite having bowled superbly)
Paddington Award:
Os who crashed very early suffering from a cold
|
Harry on his way to 96 (again) at Whitchurch Wayfarers: |
|
|
|
|
|
Ash batting against Whitchurch Wayfarers: |
Paul batting at Whitchurch: |
|
|
|
Tuesday
26th July vs.
Cornwood
Tuesday is typically golf morning which is always a rich source of material for the Fines Chairman. Os was doing fines and was out spying on the course. The following are a selection of golfing fines:
· Aygzz for playing an air shot and his watch flying off
· Dougie for insisting that he looked the best dressed for golf by wearing a sweater tied round his neck
· Harry for the longest drive
· Dougie for the shortest drive (the difference being approximately 249.9 yards)
· Dougie for being the only person to hit every fairway (but never whilst playing that hole)
· Harry for taking a divot out of the putting green with a driver
· Aygzz for constant shouting across all the holes
· Michael for looking like Ricky Fowler but playing like Arthur Fowler
· Michael for being mistaken for a 73 year old lady wearing all pink
· James and Michael for setting up a Horticultural Society whilst looking for balls on the first fairway
· Alan for sending youths in to ditches to look for his balls
· Matt for playing two shots on the ninth for Dougie and losing the ball both times
· Alan for winning the golf by 5 shots from me and taking it too seriously
The
Game
Cornwood won the toss and perhaps surprisingly in a tour game elected to bat. They started very well with Parker and Richardson both batting aggressively and seemed to be justifying the captain’s decision to bat first.
The good start didn’t last long though as they went in consecutive overs: Parker went first to Jordan as Charlie broke off his conversation with Dougie who was umpiring at square leg for just long enough to take the catch. Michael followed by having Richardson caught by Aygzz at mid off three balls after having bowled him with a no ball.
Despite the aggression of the Cornwood skipper Eliot Staddon the innings started to decline with wickets falling on a regular basis. The chief destroyer was Harry who worked his way through the middle order and took his first five-fer in senior cricket.
As the innings progressed there was the opportunity to give several people a tour bowl; the official length of which has now been set at three overs. This included a particularly outstanding piece of cricket. De Mendoza was looking like he’d just applied some linseed oil to his bat and needed to hang it out to dry. With Charlie bowling left arm over I said keep angling it across him and parked myself at first slip. Despite his frog in a blender action Charlie landed to ball in the perfect place for the ball to take the edge; the fact that it was a truly outstanding catch just added to the quality of the moment.
When Rob took the final wicket Cornwood had been bowled out for 173 which would be a good total to chase.
Aygzz went early in the reply but there was then an excellent partnership between Spike (39) and Mikey (32) as they put on 78 for the second wicket. Wickets then started to fall on a regular basis before Meady and Harry came together to close out the game with a couple of overs to spare.
The tour party at Cornwood:
Back row: James White (in best dressed golfer attire), James Codd, Rob Why, Harry Osborn, Michael Holder, Matt Runkel, Jordan Manning, Hammad Ali, Charlie Cooke, Paul Osborn
Front row: Phil Mead, Brian Cooper, John Morris, Alan Why
Gutter: Paul Ager
|
Meady strong off his legs as ever: |
Aygzz reflecting on the first of his Duckling awards: |
|
|
|
The
Fines (other than golf) –
fines done by Os
· Os for walking to the opposite side of the ground and leaving James alone with the man on his first day back in circulation after a bout of depression; James was unable to move away as he was scoring
· John for having a sat nav that took him in to a lay-by on the way to the golf course
· Dougie for his persistent moaning at being taken off after three overs the day before
· Harry for making his dad buy a second jug in two days
· Alan for leaving the mark of Zorro in the toilet (toilet gate?) in the room of the fines chairman
· Me for my mum saying that it would be impossible to hit a four up the hill and then the next ball going for four up the hill (as several had before and after)
· Matt for going on tour knowing he wasn’t playing but still taking his kit
· Charlie received a double rebate for sending his dad home early and getting him to take Ash with him
The
Awards
Dick of the Day:
John for spending half an hour looking for a ball under the covers and then Os (fines Chairman) casually wandering over and picking it up from 6 inches over the boundary where it had been all the time. And if that wasn’t bad enough running down the hill not sure whether he should stop the ball, slow down so he didn’t run in to the fence or pull his trousers up and not doing any of them successfully.
Duckling Award
Aygzz for a fifth ball duck
Tap Award
Michael for having the misfortune to bowl against the top order
Paddington Award
Os for the second night running; obviously collecting the fines had taken it out of him.
Tuesday evening also saw the resolution of the long running phone gate saga. Some mobile ‘phones had gone “missing” but fortunately Hammad was able to bring a swift resolution to the matter. I’m not sure what this says about his involvement in what had happened to this point.
Wednesday
27th July
vs. Feniton
Wednesday morning saw us move from the Smithaleigh to Turks Head at Honiton. After lunch it was off to Feniton for the game against Bondy’s old boys. Before the game we had the wrong handed throwing competition which was won by Aygzz but it does appear that lefties have a real advantage in this. Perhaps winning the wrong handed throwing and the top trumps tournament made up for Aygzz not scoring many runs on the tour but I doubt it.
The
Game
Bondy won the toss and elected to bat and it looked like James and Cat might recreate years gone by as they both went off in aggressive manner. However, both went before making a big score and with Crofty and Aygzz not getting many either we were in a spot of bother at 74-4.
The main partnerships came at the end of the innings with Meady to the fore with an excellent 83; he had good partnerships of 51 with Mikey and 44 with Dougie but at the end of the innings the score of 227-8 looked at the bottom end of par to say the least.
The second innings started painfully for me. Bondy asked me to field at short cover due to some special local knowledge he had about the opening batsman. The second ball of the innings was pitched up outside off stump and on the bounce was smacked in to my wrist at short cover. I made it to the end of the over before having to go and find some ice.
Jordan and Michael both took early wickets to leave Feniton at 30-2 but there was then a partnership of 136 for the third wicket between Devine and Pfeiffer.
When Dougie stumped Pfeiffer off the bowling of Crofty we thought we might have got ourselves back in to the game but if anything the opposite was true. Pit came in and smashed a 19 ball fifty including hitting the same house twice on the full and then hitting more than one house with the same shot as it bounced across several roofs. What had looked like it might be a close finish was suddenly nothing of the sort as Feniton ran out deserved winners.
Following the game both teams had been invited back to the Commando Training Centre at Lympstone by Crofty. The Royal Navy were great hosts and provided an excellent curry and some very cheap drinks. Thanks to Crofty for organising an excellent evening.
The
Fines (by Big Al) –
essentially everyone paid a lot without ever being too sure Why,
something
about what they’d done that day
· Bondy for sending us off to have lunch at the world renowned Peter Inn at Weston. It is in fact the Otter Inn. We thought this might have been a predictive text mistake but even that can’t be the reason so quite what he was doing nobody knows. I can recommend the Otter Inn though.
· Os for not looking like the stunning post woman delivering to the Turks Head Lodge
· All of the junior players for excessive staring and dribbling at the barmaid in the Otter Inn
· Cat for not entering a fantasy league team
· Bondy for entering a fantasy league team but not paying
· Os for shouting out when a ball bounced up and thudded in to Jordan’s chest fielding at mid off: “My God; they’ve killed Kenny.”
The
Awards
Duckling Award
Aygzz for the second day running
Tap Award
Michael for the second day running
Dick of the Day
Rob – for no other reason than everyone thought it would be really funny to see him wearing such an over sized boiler suit; so big that Al could get in to it.
Following our
visit to Lympstone it was back for some late drinks at
the Turks Head.
Thursday
28th July
vs. Farley
It was time to head home stopping off at Farley near Salisbury for the final fixture. For some reason Spike seemed determined to get there in a rush to the point where people couldn’t keep up with him. But the sat nav struck again ensuring Spike was last to the Hook and Glove by at least twenty minutes.
The
Game
This was Harry’s first senior game as captain and he accepted Farley’s kind invitation to let us bat first.
The opposition announced that they were one short so Meady offered to field for them. Having got changed quickly he’d made it ten yards on to the field as a bloke in whites got out of his car at the bottom of the field to join the Farley ranks. So Meady turned round and came off to rapturous applause after the shortest appearance possible for any club.
Dougie went early as did Hammad and Raj meaning it looked like we might struggle to get a decent total.
James though played excellently for his 75 and was well supported by Big Al as they put on 104 for the fourth wicket.
James was hitting the ball very hard at times including one which unfortunately removed a tooth from the opposition skipper as he dived to try and stop one fierce cover drive. Later the skipper commented that he had never had so much as a filling before.
Rob would have welcomed being moved a couple of places up the order so he had opportunity to wear a very painful one in the box; his face went redder than his hair is ginger.
When the innings closed on 165-5 it looked low but defendable if we bowled well.
Harry took advantage of being captain to give himself the new ball and bowled his seam up. This could have been very expensive for Os if there had been final day fines. Harry did bowl very well coming down the hill and was well supported by Raj who took the wickets at the other end.
Raj took two wickets in his final over to bring up a five-fer and with there also being a run out in the over it put Farley very much on the back foot.
Rob came on and bowled his best spell for some time and I became the only wicket keeper to concede no byes on tour as I took over the gloves for the last few overs. The fielding performance wasn’t entirely without blemish though as Dougie put in a performance in the field which led one of the opposition remarking that they could see why we had lent him to them as the substitute fielder earlier in the afternoon when their captain had to go off.
The final wicket to fall was that of Cole who narrowly missed out on a fifty as he was caught by Hammad with Farley on 119.
The Awards
Duckling Award
Dougie
Tap
Raj (despite his five-fer)
The survivors that made it all the way to Farley:
Back Row: John Morris, Paul Osborn, Matt Runkel, Rob Why, James White, Hammad Ali, Harry Osborn, Charlie Cooke, Jordan Manning, Michael Holder, James Codd
Front Row: Raj Puri, Paul Ager, Brian Cooper, Phil Mead, Alan Why
|
Waiting for the start at Farley: |
Hammad batting at Farley: |
|
|
|
|
Dougie on strike at Farley: |
The outcome: |
|
|
|
|
James on his way to a match winning 75: |
Alan on the drive: |
|
|
|
Fantasy
League
The tour fantasy league was kindly run by Hammad and as well as raising some money for the club created some alliances during the week with some people supporting particular others who they had in their teams.
The winner of the Fantasy League was decided by the last ball of the tour. Spike, Meady and Big Al all had the same team and with Spike and Meady having the same captain it came down to the added criterion of vice captain. Spike went for Hammad and when it was Hammed that took the final catch of the tour it meant he leapfrogged Meady in the table.
The final table was:
|
1 |
KamaKarzi |
John Morris |
3338 |
|
2 |
Stanley MFC |
Phil Mead |
3338 |
|
3 |
Still Novaak & Goode |
Alan Why |
3338 |
|
4 |
Dougies XI |
James White |
3167 |
|
5 |
Noddys XI |
Kevin Holder |
3167 |
|
6 |
TNT Ginges XI |
Rob Why |
3107 |
|
7 |
The Patellas |
James Codd |
3062 |
|
8 |
Browns Barmy Army |
Stuart Brown |
3055 |
|
9 |
Bondys Bad Girls |
Simon Bond |
3045 |
|
10 |
Justin Biebers Xi |
Michael Holder |
3029 |
|
11 |
Get me 10 pints of the Ale |
Neil Halliday |
3004 |
|
12 |
Vicious & Delicious |
Ash Misra |
2988 |
|
13 |
Milk Cookies |
Charlie Cooke |
2966 |
|
14 |
Batty Boys |
Harry Osborn |
2959 |
|
15 |
Spotted Dick |
Micky Mehta |
2943 |
|
16 |
Rambo |
Ram Sankaran |
2927 |
|
17 |
Titans |
Rob Dimmack |
2843 |
|
18 |
Runks Crocked XI |
Matt Runkel |
2834 |
|
19 |
Sunny's Smashers |
Sunil Kumar |
2646 |
|
20 |
Aygzz Park Smashers |
Paul Ager |
2589 |
|
21 |
Rags Love Child |
Andy Crofts |
2568 |
|
22 |
Going to win Again |
Paul Cooke |
2555 |
|
23 |
I Am going to win |
Hammad Ali |
2534 |
|
24 |
Fingers CC |
Brian Cooper |
2518 |
|
25 |
Jordan’s Virgin Tourists |
Jordan Manning |
2515 |
|
26 |
Wizards of Ozz |
Paul Osborn |
2374 |
And the winning team was:
|
TEAM NAME |
MANAGER |
|
Batsman |
Phil Mead |
|
Batsman |
James Codd |
|
Batsman |
Hammad Ali |
|
Batsman |
Ash Misra |
|
All Rounder |
Sunil Kumar |
|
All Rounder |
Michael Holder |
|
All Rounder |
Harry Osborn |
|
Wicket Keeper |
John Morris |
|
Bowler |
Brian Cooper |
|
Bowler |
Rob Why |
|
Bowler |
Raj Puri |
And Finally
To finish a special word of thanks to Spike for organising the tour again. A five game tour staying at two venues and with 20 odd people involved is quite something to organise but as ever things went very smoothly thanks to Spike and all the hard work he puts in to organising it.
Fingers
July 2011
(with help from Spike, Os, Dougie and Hammad)